Don’t lose yourself. It is crucial not to completely lose your self identity when you become a parent.
When you lose yourself, it is not good for your long term mental health.
It is also not good for your kids to see that. Or to think that is what they have to do, to be a good parent too, when/if they become parents.
We are all made up of layers. Different stages of life add to those layers.
I became a business owner at 27.
Wife at 32.
Mum 1st time to twins at 35.
Mum 2nd time to our third at 37.
I was still a business owner through majority of that.
But! I was Ted for 27 years before all that happened. Someone who loved to play sport, go out dancing with friends, travel and spend time at both the beach and in nature.
But sometimes, Ted, and all she loved to do, is very buried way down under the weight of all the layers I have added over the years.
Don’t for one second get me wrong.
I love my family.
I love to work.
But I shouldn’t have to give up myself or one thing for the other.
You shouldn’t either.
You still need to make space to be yourself, and do what you love.
Your kids will see this, giving them permission to do this for themselves with their family/life.
More is caught than taught, so are you emulating what you want your kids to see?
Childhood mindsets can be hard to reprogram, so be aware that what you are saying and what you are doing is congruent.
When a woman becomes pregnant, her life is the thing that changed the most. More than her partners or anyone else’s.
Having a child effects their body, their hormones, their overall health, their mind, their work, their relationships, and societies view of her with their preconceived notions of what a good mum is (with its conflicting, confusing messages), just to name a few things.
PBL is non judgemental when it comes to being a mother – Stay at home (SAH), Work from home (WFH), Work part time (WPT), Work full time (WFT). You have to do what works for you and your loved ones.
We just think that you need to recognize that you are your own person first, that had a life and liked to do things before all this came along.
Just because you’ve added these elements to your life and you love everything that it has given you, it doesn’t need to be at the expense of you.
You don’t have to give “you” up to “pay” for all that you have.
Think about it this way. You LOVE your children. You want the absolute best for them.
So, knowing that, what would you say to them if you saw them just continually work themselves ragged, day after day? Taking care of the family, the house, and the business, leaving very little time for themselves.
You’d say to your adult kids – “you need a break”, “I just want you to be happy and healthy”, “I want you to enjoy your life,” etc.
They want you to say that to yourself too.
You NEED to say that to yourself too.
Putting everyone and everything first, before yourself, for the 18-20+ years you’re a hands on parent, can leave you a shell of a person from what you were before.
Many people don’t recognize themselves when they get to the end. It takes a long time to “get back to themselves” or figure out who they are now.
Do you want your kids to do that? I’m sure your answer is no.
So why are you doing that to yourself? And how can you stop that?
We have an upcoming 3-day Parent Boss Life Challenge, where we cover topics like this.
We focus on changing mindsets that tell you “you need to do everything for everyone to be a good Mum”, so that you can allow yourself space.
We also walk through working with your spouse to tackle your Parent Boss Life together, as a team.
We stop you from doing everything yourself, so you have time for fun with your loved ones. You were born to have joy in your life and we work out ways to get that for you.
You really can’t afford to miss this – not if you want to find yourself again. Click here to register now. We start soon!
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